The huswife's guide to

Someone recently asked me for advice on how to prep their toddler for a new baby. Having already done this task twice they assumed I might have some kind of intimate knowledge to ease the transition.


Preparing an older sibling, especially a toddler or preschoooler, for a new baby can be one of the most stressful tasks parents face. Not only are they fretting about their newborn, they also have to mange the needs of a child who has up until now been given all the parental attention. Even with this experience I'm still worried about how my two year old will react to the arrival of the twins.


The truth is, every kid is different and there's no amount of preparation that will guarantee it to work out. Some children adapt quickly, others become difficult and act out to seek attention. There's no right way to handle the situation but there are a few things that might help.


Here are some things you can try to ease the transition for both you and your toddler:

Before the baby

Explain the baby in an age appropriate way. It's a difficult concept for small children to grasp but showing them things like clothing for the baby, the nursery, and pictures of them when they were a baby might help them understand. There are also many books on the market to introduce babies to an older sibling.


Don't make it all about the baby. While it's important to discuss and prepare for the new arrival, don't make your entire life about the baby. Try to stick to any established routines, avoid sacrificing time with your toddler in favour of baby prep activities, and open baby gifts away from your older child.


Accept that you can't do everything. It's important to accept now that you will not be able to do everything you did before with your older child. Pregnancy slows you down (or in my case hyperemesis gravidarum left me bedridden,) newborns require a lot of care, and your attention will soon be divided trying to manage both children.

When the baby is born

Have the siblings exchange gifts. Ideally, have a family member take the older child to get the baby a gift to bring when they visit you in the hospital. Likewise, have something small to give in return from the new baby.


Don't push your older child to be interested in the baby. Some older children refuse to acknowledge the baby or even their mother just after birth. Don't take this personally or assume it will set them up for a lifetime of resentment, chances are they're just not sure how to feel about the situation. Offer but don't force.


Encourage them to have fun. Have whoever is caring for your older child while you're in the hospital do some fun activities with the other child to keep them distracted while you're absent.

When you're at home

Encourage the older child to help out. Most toddlers enjoy doing small tasks like throwing away dirty diapers, fetching things, and so on. Having them pat baby's back while you're burping them or giving them a kiss when they cry are some of the ways to help the siblings bond. Again, don't force participation and understand most toddlers will probably lose interest quickly.


Have activities ready while you're breastfeeding. Simple busy bags can be put together to keep toddlers busy. Think playdough, puzzles, colouring, stickers, and so on. This will allow you to have some special time to bond with the baby without your toddler feeling left out.


Encourage time with other family members. Especially if you're breastfeeding you'll be spending a lot of time caring for your newborn. Arrange for other family members, especially your partner, to take the toddler out for some one on one time. Don't be alarmed if your toddler seems distant from you for a bit after birth.


Keep your routine. It's very important to keep your toddler on the same schedule to help them feel more secure. It may seem tricky at first to manage both but it will make life much easier as baby falls into a routine. Even if you can't do as much with the toddler as you did before, try and keep one or two things that you did pre-baby. For example, a nighttime book, dinner together, an evening walk, etc.


The biggest thing to remember is that you can't do it all. Be patient, especially if your toddler acts out or regresses from the transition, and understand that this difficult time will soon pass.